The truth about depression comes out.

[WARNING!! THIS BLOG POST GOES DEEP AND IT MAY BE UPSETTING TO SOME PEOPLE]   

   Right, this is for EVERYONE okay? Boys, girls, men, women and doctors. The truth about depression isn't about what the so called "experts" say. I don't give a damn about what they say anymore. They are like those hate preachers you get these days. I wrote about my depression, I gave the signs and I wrote about it's effects. And you know what, it was so hard for me to write about it. It scares me to this very second. If you are scared of the truth, then you know what you can do ? You can keep running form the truth but the truth will just follow you.

    There is a world out there, a world full of people who take their own lives, who scar themselves, who rely on pain to take the negative stuff out of them. And what is the health system doing about it? Anti depressants, counsellers. Okay, I admit, they are useful and they do help in ways but that is not what everyone needs. Also, what isn't needed are people shying away from depression and the things which entails it. What I mean is self-harm, alienation and suicide. When will the "experts" realise that what they say makes no sense at all. They rely on case studies, on the information given to them. Do they not realise that there is no proper way out of depression? What about that period of time which is called Regression? Have they no idea? No they don't.

   It's time we give them that truth. People who suffer in depression suffer in silence. Scared of what people will think of them. What their own family will do to them. Trust me, I know. I've been there, it's frightening. I won't lie, I have 6 suicide attempts to my name, countless of scars on my body, many more to come. It eats away inside of me like a disease which can never be cured. It ruins my summer, scared of wearing t-shirts and shorts. I can't talk to friends much because then they have my burden as well. At nights I go to sleep hoping I pass away. In the mornings, I wake up feeling sad, lonely and scared. I can't get into a relationship because I can'bring myself to love another person. Do you know what it's like? Its torture. Day in. Day out.



The non existent light

   Have you felt that pain inside when you rip the most treasured thing out of yourself? I have. My heart. I have no way of showing my love. When I do, its fake. I live my life in another persons body. I can't fit in, I can't sit at a table with my family anymore. I have no reason to. I have no idea who I am no more. All because I made myself that depressed, made myself feel so much pain that I can't stop that. Think what you think, You may think I am a weirdo, because you know what? You're right. I'm an idiot for thinking I can get out of this. If you think that this blog post is attention seeking then good, because you know nothing about my wellbeing. Nothing. If I could give you that one day in my life, that one day where it changed, then I would because believe me, you would be seeing depression in a new life. I light which never shines for me. I light which never even exists anymore. It used to, I used to follow it and I was young and carefree. But know, its just dark. No light, no guide, no nothing. Its like being in nothingness.

   If you want to read it this again, then do so. Look beyond the words. Look beyond the post. I am giving you my life. I am giving you my darkest fear. The fear whos shadow I'm always in. Its like death. I have tried to tell people in so many ways, I really have and I'm sorry but I'm going to stop writing anymore of this. Even writing it is scaring me. I'm so sorry. I let you down. Just yea.

   Bye.