Roll of Honour for my mates and people I know.

    This is a list. Not any lod list. This list is for those who I know, those who support me and my blog. For those who deserve a mention for when they have stuck by me through the bad times, thhrough the tough times. For they have proved they will stick by me to no end. They won't leave me until I get through it. They all have their roles, their strengths and their weakness. Whether they like me or not, they still deserve to have a mention. For those on this list. Thank you.


Sabrina Hawkins                    Farrah
Tink Wilkinson                       Aaron Kimbrell
Poppy Anderson                    Chris Smith
Jordan Jensen
Adam Burnitt
Alex Brooke
Rachel Garnett
Abby Foley
Amy Maxwell
Paulina Gala
Amber Davidson
Anna Watkinson
David Beeson
Matty Waters
Amy Brook
Claire Freya
Keith David
Amanda Todd
Pete Bennet
Betsy Harmer
Jenalyn Harley
Hazel Bratton
Nightcrawler Neo
The Nearly Deads
Rick Gonzales
Matt Denton
Graeme Burrell
Mike Gargett
Louise Woodward
Ben Blagrove
Nathaniel James
Alison Boydell
Lou Bernaldez
Aditya Choppa
DJ Naresh
Amy Joe Robinson
Ben Cooper
Daniel Ellmer
Gina 'mini' Weaver
"U can't See me"
Janna Marshall
Jaydine Foley
Keeley Mogg
Kortnie Cinkowski Snyder
Cheyenne Keith
Andrew J. Keith
Kyle Greaves
Luke Armstrong
Raise These Sails
Oceans Ate Alaske
Love and Satellites
Nicola Syrett
Patrick Cox
Nicole Collis
Steph Carlson
Terrie Atkinson
Tom Fisher
Victor Olliver

First ever Metal Gear Solid 3 blog. As promised...

Right, a heads up on me, i am a gamer, only on the PS2, so don't judge and my favourite game has to be Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. The reason being is that i borrowed that game off mty mate and being me, i was reluctant to play on it, but i kept on it and i just thinkn its the most epicest game ever!!! But before MGS3, i was an absolute crap gamer, seriously, i was. And akso since playing on MGS3, i have opened my eyes to a broader horizon of gaming genres, like fantasy, medieval, racing and combat. But i mentioned that i borrowed Metal Gear Solid 3, and yes, i was very emotional when it came to returning it, i was considering emigrating, so i can keep the game. So, a few months went by and i was mourning the loss of an awesome game, and always failing in my attempt to buy it, but one day, like magic or maybe fortune was in my favour, who knows, i saw a copy of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater in Grainger Games, second hand and it was going for £7.00!!! I knew i had to get it, so i did, now iot stands proudly next to my recently required Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty. So, let me talk about what makes Metal Gear Solid a game. The storyline is full of twists and turns, and the aims of Snake change, like when (SPOILER) Sokolov dies, the main mission is to then destroy the Shagohod. The story also pulls the player in to the game, it draws him/her in and envolopes them in the action of the game. The graphics too, they are to be commended, the gameplay is smooth and uninterrupted and it flows easily from scene-to-scene. The cutscenes are also really good too, as they don't magically transport you in the opposite direction of where you stopped, like most games which i won't name, Lord Of The Rings: The Third Age. The variety of weapons you get as well is really impressive, you have an arsenel of guns which you acquire throughout the game and when you defeat the bosses in certain ways, like the camo which i'll get to in a minute. And i am going to link the weapon graphics with the game graphics now, as they all seem to be different and they act in different ways. But there isn't just weapons, theres radars and other extras, which again re-act in different ways, and the way they lose energy as well is a good touch, annoying but good. Now, the camo, theres two types, face and body, erm...face first. This is a similar story like guns, you do get new designs throughout the game, and the way they look when applied is great, and Konami doesn't stop there, they actually add flags from various countries, and i applaud them for pulling that off in a spectacular way. And now the body, the various designs, and unlockables are great, and funny. I like to run about with no body camo and no paint and pretend i'm Rambo!!! But seriously, Konami may of done well with facepaint but body camo too, its just...i can't put it in words, its just so amazing!! But what i like about the body camo is that you can unlock new ones like, The Fear and The Pain by killing them with a (SPOILER) tranqualizer gun. But when unlocked, they come with a price and i won't tell you what it is, and yes, you are probably crying as i type but i can't spoil it, but i can hint, you'll need to constantly eat. But as i was saying, the body camo is pulled off really well and to add the humour in the game Konami has put in absolutely random suits, and they do help, but it lightens the game up a bit, because the game does get a bit stressful and probably gets heavy, but my relief is shooting the hell out of folk. Okay, i won't talk about the bosses because for one, i'll be giving you all the secrets of beating them and what they are like, and that is what i do, and also i don't want to be spoiling the whole game for you, so i hope you enjoyed this and i hope you found it good and useful. Until next time, buy the game if you haven't got it yet, and before i go, you can now buy the Metal Gear Solid HD collection now. Seeya later guys

Goodbye...

   Heya my loyal readers and sharers. I am thinking of stopping these blog posts, so that will mean that I won't be posting anymore up. It isn't because of the hate that I'm getting on ask.fm because it isn't. It's that I feel like I have played my part and now without Tink Wilkinson (@thoughtsblogger) to guide me, I just don't know. It's going to be emotional when it comes to stopping this for good. I've had my highs and lows when writing this blog.

The highs:
     I have a lot of highs when writing this blog. A lot. The very first one would be when I did my first post ever. Title? "Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater produced by Konami for the Playstation." Link? http://mgs3madfan.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/metal-gear-solid-3-snake-eater-produced.html I can remember writing this on the Deus Wikia blog and I thought "Eh? Surely this is the wrong place to post it." And it was a shambles. I'll post the exact blog up for you to read and you can make your assumptions. But yea, I enjoyed doing that. Also my first comment. Okay, maybe I did ask my mate to comment on it but still, itmade me happy :)
  
   The amount of friends I have made through this blog. I've made so many new mates because of this blog. Some of them I have kept in contact with since the very beginning. Thats been a joy.

   Also this is a little thing but it has been a joy to see. Comments. Getting feedback on any of my blog posts is really nice and to hear what you all have to say about that blog post has been so nice to read. Thank you :)

    The view count is another small thing too. Its been fascinating to watch it just rise higher and higher with each hour, and sometimes EACH SECOND!!!! That has been keeping me writing this blog.
 
   My website which I created because of this blog. Originally called "Gamers Haven" but now its called "Your Hub". Thats actually been fun to create and release to the world. The link?  http://www.mgs3madfan.jimdo.co.uk

   My Facebook page/Twitter profile for my Depression Campaign is an absolute achievement for me. I never thought I would of created them at all.

The lows:
    There has beem too many to write about. The main points would have to be on my very first blog about depression. Title? "Depression my experience and its effects"  Link? http://mgs3madfan.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/depression.html This would be the first blog I ever did to start my depression campaign off and I don't ever regret writing this at all. I look back and I think that I did good doing that. After that. Well. As they say- After that is just history- and history it is. But after writing this I felt like crap. I felt like I did something bad.

    At this point, I would stop. But I'm not. I'm going to write every single word here. To the last word. No quitting early.

   There was another post which knocked me down really badly, which put me in a worse state. And that was this one. Title? "The truth about depression comes out" Link? http://mgs3madfan.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/the-truth-about-depression-comes-out.html And this not only knocked me down but it was the turning point for me and my depression campaign. That was the first blog that I put all my heart into. The only personal one which I opened out in. I want to think that it is the only blog which is hard hitting as that but I don't know if it is or not.

   There was also another post I did. Title? "My Darkness. My fear." Link? http://mgs3madfan.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/my-darkness-my-fear.html This when I was in my "dark place" and I still go there, but not as much as I did.

   So, there we have it. The last written blog by me. Jude Dylan Wilson. Also known as Ginge. I've been through hell, I've seen things in my mind and I've done things which may be considered as weird. But I came out a winner and an educated person and a better person. I've made friends and lost friends. I've made allies and enemies. But I will still keep my head high and I will keep living.

    Heres a quote for you:
                                       "The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure"

   Thank you all for being here for me, for supporting me, for believing in me. I thank you all!! :)
   ....So, this is it. I've been trying to put this off for ages. This is goodbye. I'm sad to leave in a way. I really am. But hey, find me on Twitter @judewilson2 AND @DepressionCampa

Update on me...

 Hello, I will get straight into this blog post because I want to tell you all how I am and how I am feeling nowadays. I could be really nice and say that I am not suffering from depression but thats not true. It's not true for a couple of reasons because:
 
1. I am not clear of depession.
2. I am now managing my depression in a safe and sensible way
3. I have found somethimg to occupy my time instead of cutting

    Yes, thats right, you have read those right. Because I have a job. A job which may not sound appealing but I do find it fun. And I find that doing this job stops me thinking about suicide and self harm. My job? I work in a butchers. I know what you are thinking. Dead pigs, cutting meat, being a cannibal but no, that is not my job role. I am a cleaner as such. I wipe down the surfaces where the skin the deer, rabbits etc. And I do find it absolutely fascinating. It may sound really boring but thats not the point. Theres always a joke being made and there is always a laugh happening. The atmosphere is amazing. Theres Pete (the owner), Alex (Petes son-in-law)m, Tracey (someone who works there) and then theres me (little old me). My first day was fun.

   Okay, my first day:
   Righto, my first day. Here we go. I went there at 10 in the morning expecting orders to be barked at me left, right and centre. But that wasn't the case. I had a warm welcome and a mini tour of the place. Did you know that it used to have a small slaughterhouse at the back? No? Nor did I. But anyway, I was told what to do and how to do it and I just cracked on with it. I loved every second of it, I loved the cleaning, the sweeping and the moving. But I kept telling myself that it's for the best. At the end of the day, Pete (the owner) said what a brilliant job I have done of it. And hearing that made my day. It really did. I can't wait to go back!!!

   But do remember at the beginning of this post, I did say I am still suffering of depression and I do have my small moments when I feel like crap, where I just want to hide and cry. Where I want to go back to my "dark place" but I don't let myself. I don't because it's just going to drag me back to the way I was.

 November 6th, doctors appointment:
  I honestly forgot to do an update in this but here it is now. And I will type right now that my doctor is one absolute so and so.

   I went for my appointment and I told my doctor how I was, how I felt and what I  have done to myself. I had shown him my scars. That was really hard to do. To actually tell him all of that did tire me out. And it did have me crying. I found it really difficult to tell him that. And you know what he said? This what he said:

"...Jude, I woin;t lie but you cut yourself for a buzz. There isn't any other reason and that is the truth. You cut yourself because you find it fun to do and thats the only way you can get a buzz. I am right in telling you this because I know about this stuff..."
   
   WHAT?!!! I was shaking with hate. I was shaking with pure anger. Him? An expert? And he knows why I do it? I'm sorry but I had to literally interview him.

Me: So you know about why I do it?
Doctor: Yes
Me: So you know what I've been going through?
Doctor: No
Me: Have you been through depression?
Doctor: No
Me: Have you self harmed before?
Doctor: No
Me: So how do you know I do it for a buzz?
Doctor: Because I am in expert in this field of study and statistics show that most people harm themselves for a buzz. They think its clever and that it's cool.
Me: I'm sorry but I am going to have to disagree because when I used to cut, I was doing it to let out all my negative emotion, to let out the hate and anger inside of me. I didn't find it cool, I didn't find it clever and I did not find it as a buzz.
Doctor: You are wrong,  You aren't a qualified doctor, you don't know about this at all. Your opinion doesn't count.

   At that point, I had to leave the room because otherwise I would of punched him. I would of punched him so hard and I am not joking. That really upset me that was being ignorant of my experience and my feelings. When I went back in, I asked about anti-depressants. He said I didn't need them because I was stupid and that I wasn't in a rush to need them. So I had to sit there and smile and pretend that everything was okay. He eventually said that he stopped me from harming myself and that was when I lost it. I stood up and said:

"...Sorry but I find you absolutely disgusting. You sit there and you tell me why I harm myself and that I am being stupid. When I tell you the truth to why I harm myself you then ignore me. You sut there in your comfy chair and you speak words to me. You tell me everythings going to be okay, that I am going to be fine when in actual fact I am nopt fine, and that everytthing is not okay. You are just an utter letdown to the NHS. You claim to be an expert in depression, and if you really are an expert then help me. Help me instead of being a liar. Because right now and I won't lie, I am so close to hitting you. I want to hit you because you are like everyone else in this godforsaken world. You are ignorant to the fact that I am not okay, that I harm myself. You shun me to one side hoping that I will magically come out of depression and that you don't need to see me again. I ask about anti-depressants and you then tell me that I don't need them? I despise you and your stupid appointments. You do nothing to help me and for that I am leaving, I don;t care if you don't want me to leave and if you try and block my way. I will hit you. I don't want another appointment thanks and I don't want you to send me a letter because I will just rip it up and send it back..."

   And with that said, I left. When I got round the corner, I collapsed and I just cried my eyes out. I couldn't move, nor did I want to move. I was a wreck. My body was oblivious to pain from all the times I have cut into myself. I couldn't bring myself to move at all. And this was in the middle of the street, and I didn't care if I was laughted at. I didn't care what people thought of me. I was just fed up of it all.

   That is why I am renewing my campaign. I want you to share this blog. To tweet this blog. To quote from this blog. To link it up on Facebook, Kik, Tumblr, Twitter, Ask.fm, Bebo, MSN, Hotmail, Google mail, Google+ and any other social networking site that you may know. I will do my part, will you do yours? Leave a comment down below, email me on ginge_y1@hotmail.co.uk, find me on ask.fm: http://ask.fm/GingerJude, and on Twitter: @JudeWilson2. Please do what you can!!!

Thank you!!

   Thank you!! Just thank you everyone!!! Thank you celebrities, thank you friends and THANK YOU WORLD!!! I want you all to givew a huge round of applause because right now I know that somwhere in the world, someone is reading this blog. They will read it and they will share it. This is to you... I LOVE YOU!!!!

   Since getting this depression campaign started, I have had a massive response. From you and the world. I know that without you sharing, retweeting and telling friends and family then I wouldn't of got anywhere. Yes, it has been hard. Yes, it has been a struggle to do this. And yes, i am greatful for your help. Okay, my twitter profile for this hasn't been a huge success, and if you want to follow it, it's @DepressionCampa. If one person read it within in an hour, then told their friends, then they e-mail it, share it, link it or tweet about it, we're looking at about 30 odd people within 3 hours. Or maybe even more!!!

But I want to thank:
Betsy Harmer                         Matt Denton                           Amber Davidson
Kortnie Snyder                       Night¢raώℓeя Neo                 Alex Brooke
Tink Wilkinson                      Olivia Waterhouse
Pete Bennett                           Angel Sasha
Sabrina Hawkins                    Lucy Baines
Sian Howells                          Millie Herrod
Amy Maxwell                        Luke Armstrong
Matty Waters                         David Beeson
Adam Burnitt                         Dominic Tarn
Jordan Jensen                         Fightdepression
Hazel Bratton                         DJ Naresh
Amy Brook                            Carla Mai
Poppy Anderson                    Madame Arcati
and many more!!!

   THANK YOU!!!! If it wasn't for Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Ask.fm and Tumblr, then who knows where I'll be. I salute you all for helping me so much!!! Thank you.